i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
