you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
