marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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