i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
