Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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