I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
