Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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