Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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