You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
