watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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