Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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