he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
