Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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