So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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