Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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