Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
