he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How does one acquire holy water?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
