these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
