guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
