I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
