You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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