i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
