i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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