Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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