I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
