so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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