you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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