Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
