did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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