never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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