No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
