I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
