the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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