She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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