I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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