I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
