well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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