he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
