I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
