By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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