So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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