it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
