Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
