Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
