So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
