I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
