Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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