Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
