I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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