you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
